It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
