11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
