Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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