I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
