You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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