Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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