Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
