It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
