I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
