Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
try to milk me bitch
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