Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
