omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
