Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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