now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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