a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
