It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
