My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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