hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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