How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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