so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
