We won't sleep together?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
