i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
