Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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