So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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