He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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