dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
