My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
