She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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