The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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