That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
