Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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