help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
this will be a night to untag.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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