I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Everclear isn't food dammit
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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