Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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