there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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