he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
