You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
