I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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