i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
