16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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