Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
