I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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