I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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