party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
