Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
