Your face is a jimmy john
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
