even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
