it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
