my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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