I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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