I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
