He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
