Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
