dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
