It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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