Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
