I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
