Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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