Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's the barista slut.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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