so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
