don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
