so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
