did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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