i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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