I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They took my balls.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
