I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
worst night to have a conscience
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
