Soap is not a condiment
our cab driver is having phone sex.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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