He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
