they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A+ Viking dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
