did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
