pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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