And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hippo gnu deer
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
