I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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