You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
