I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
