this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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