Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
