Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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