Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
